Historical Context
Over the last days, I had troubles making decisions in my life. The hardest one was about leaving Tulum to go to Dominican Republic with my best friend, or staying here.
At that time, I analyzed the situation and wanted to optimize for a) work environment, b) people and c) nature. If optimized for work environment, DR would have most probably been the best, while Tulum would have been more optimal for the other two factors.
Decision-Making Matrix
My problem was the following: work environment, people and nature are just the second layer of need. The first layer behind every decision should be personal well-being and integrity - and this can only be taken into account when both reason and gut feeling are aligned. In other words, it needs to be a hell yes.
Therefore, in order to make a decision, the process is the following:
- Do I want to chose the more predictable choice or surrender to uncertainty?
- If I chose the predictable one, is the outcome what I desire?
- If yes, is it a hell yes?
In case of uncertainty: limiting the impact on others
Sometimes, you can’t decide because you are hoping for better opportunities. Yet, others are waiting on your decision-making. The process is therefore the following:
- Communicate that there is uncertainty (lack of clarity) on your side, and that you therefore cannot commit. Ask them about whether they need the decision-making.
- Tell them when you will know your answer (threshold), and make sure it’s fine with them.
- If there is no threshold, tell them to not count on you, and that you will communicate if you change your mind.
In case of change of intentions: limiting the impact on others
There is a difference between planning to (setting the intention or taking action towards an outcome) and commitment (giving your word to an outcome).
If you commit to something but want to change plans, make sure that the decision comes from a place of integrity. Then make sure to communicate it, to give explanation, to ask understanding, and most importantly, to make everything possible so that the outcome for the other remains unchanged.
Real-Life Application
With a friend: I could have emphasized on a threshold of when he can expect my decision, and agree to whether that is fine for him.
With my best friend: I could have emphasized on the fact he should not count on me, and that I will uphold my current commitments towards him regardless of the living situation. I could then tell him that I will let him know if I change minds.